There is no way to say it. Your window is collecting webs,
your blackberries ripen and swell and fall

for the squirrels. Every day we spend less
and less time waiting. Sometimes I stand on the roof

and say it into the wind: the first syllable
rises and drops to the ground, and the second

gets lost in the forest between my mind and my mouth,
to be picked apart by crows, who fly away

crying rry, rry, rry. I don’t know how I got here.
How I made it here without you. All I did

was look back when you kept looking on,
stumble through the dark in some

backwards way, kicking mushrooms, breadcrumbs,
tripping over logs and nests, reaching

into your absence and finding suddenly
a recognizable tree, and mother, out front, looking for stars.

I called for you, I swear. So did she.
I try to say it in the morning, sitting on your bed:

but the first syllable gets caught in the webs
of your open window, and when the spider comes

she wraps it up, pauses, whispers so?, and eats.
Every day something of yours disappears.

The yellow dress, the small bird painting, and
one by one the books. I move through our house

trying to say it. I am so, the clock has become
bored by my eyes. I am so, I sleep terribly. I am so

I bought pepper spray yesterday cause it was $10
& bedazzled. It’s still in the box on the kitchen
table. When I met Adam I was wearing a
halo cause it was Halloween. I gave it to him cause
he was turning 22 at midnight and also
probably I fell in love or maybe out of the sky
or both. We had so many sleepovers. We ordered
so much Chinese food. We were so sad about
money. Kelsey was followed home twice &
that was when I liked her so I was really empathetic.
She has a knife with a cat on it even though
she’s more of a dog person. I have bedazzled
pepper spray recommended by Cosmo
in a plastic box on my kitchen table even though
I’m more of a person who’s scared all the time.

how long until the bad spot can be touched? I am asking for
myself. here, there are so many bruises in the making. I stand
up inside the orchard—little seedlings gather, apple cores, my
vertebrae stuck together, like so. is it ok if I crush you? I so
want to, I so love this dripping all over.

S01E01
“Everyone loves cheese toast,” said the TV judge. The contestant was safe, again. Not on top. She seethed with anger at cheddar and bread.

S01E02
“Everyone loves cheese toast,” said the judge on the reality TV show. The chef beamed. It was made with spray cheese and garlic crostini.

S01E03
“Everyone loves cheese toast,” said the main judge from the reality show. “But what you’ve done here grating 5 cheeses was amazing. A win.”

S01E04
“Everyone loves cheese toast,” said the reality show judge, “Have you had a glass of water? Go grab one!” The water board paid her 100K.

S01E05
“Everyone loves cheese toast,” said the TV show judge, “But we’re tired of seeing it from you. Please pack your pots and pans, and go home.”

Coming home from electrolysis
we think about the things
we wish someone had told us

Back when we still had time —
like, “if you want to be
a monster, you can just

Slice open your skin and step
out into the welcoming shadows

In the woods by the side of the road
— hunt birds, drink insect blood

And grow scales, and faces
to lure boys to their death
when they drive by

Leaning out the window
screaming things